Tuesday, October 21, 2014

110 Funny Sayings I Heard In Lending Business




110.  A 550 credit score is pretty good, right?

109.  Can I embellish my income a little?

108.  Can we bump the appraisal?

107.  You can't add.

106.  You can't subtract.

105.  What do you mean I can't afford a house that big?

104.  Why do you need my social security number?

103.  I'm not giving you my social security number!

102.  Why is my credit any of YOUR business?

101.  Don't lie.

100.  Be honest.

99.  What?

98.  Why?

97.  I don't remember you telling me that.

96.  How long is this going to take?

95.  Are you serious?

94.  Oh no!  The baby is crying!

93.  Why is the interest rate so high?

91.  I just bought a new car!

90.  What does that mean?

89.  My credit is dawg s**t!

88.  You are too funny.

87.  Just go apply somewhere else.

86.  I'm still waiting...

85.  Damn!

84.  That Realtor is a pain in the a**!

83.  I'm fighing with the Realtor!

82.  Don't laugh...

81.  How many stips are there?

80.  This loan is taking FOREVER to close!

79.  Can't I just get a break?

78.  What do you mean shopping my credit hurts my scores?

77.  Not even in your best dreams...

76.  Don't Account Execs ever make appointments?

75.  We are working in the WRONG market!

74.  I no longer want to be the king of subprime loans.

73.  Yep.

72.  Nope.

71.  I can't afford that!

70.  This job reminds me of that Rolling Stones song, "You Can't Always Get What You Want"

69.  HUD raided his offices.

68.  The FBI raided his offices.

67.  The IRS raided his offices.

66.  Yep, he's in jail.

65.  Those were the good ol' days if you could fog a mirror you could get a loan...

64.  Loanorrific!

63.  O no!

61.  That loan blew up this morning...

60.  What do you mean I have an adjustable rate mortgage?

59.  Are you sure you know what you are doing?

58.  Why is he an a*****e?

57.  Crap!

56.  Where's my calculator?

55.  Why does your bank statement show negative balances?

56.  I don't care if a drug dealer gifts you a down payment.  Just get it!

55.  What is seasoning?

54.  Wow!  This DTI is 75%.  That can't be right, can it?

53.  I wouldn't hold your breath (too long)!

52.  Don't call my processor!

51.  Don't Realtors have ANY patience!

50.  Oh Good Lord, help me now!

49.  We could use some compensating factors for this loan.

48.  I wouldn't wipe my a** with that credit report!

47.  No, I won't apologize!

46.  I am sorry, but come back to me when you have better credit...

45.  I hate my job...

44.  Is it Friday yet?

43.  Golf season's starting!  Gotta love it!

42.  So, who do you think you are?

41.  I need a bigger house in a better neighborhood.

40.  I gotta get out of that house...

39.  Be patient...

38.  You are too damn funny.

37.  This loan doesn't make sense at all...

36.  And why do I care?

35.  You can't be serious...

34.  You better get off Fantasy Island!

33.  Ridiculous!

32.  I just threw it in the trash!

31.  Who cares!?!

30.  I need a vacation...

29.  What?  Do I need to show them the house myself?

28.  I can't deal with this anymore...

27.  That valuation won't work - he's out of his mind!

26.  Maybe...

25.  What a huckster!

24.  I'm in a good mood... so far...

23.  O PLEASE!

22.  I can't read his handwriting...

21.  Get serious!

20.  Get a life!

19.  Not to be mean...

18.  What are doing?

17.  Fabulous!  Just fabulous!

16.  Are we having fun yet?

15.  I picked up a few nuggets.

14.  This is a feast or famine business!

13.  This is crap!

12.  I'm not playing...

11.  Just need your John Hancock here...

10.  This guy is really upset...

9.  Hysterical!

8.  Why are you laughing?

7.  How do I know this isn't a scam?

6.  Oopps!

5.  Please don't say that...

4.  I've never seen that before!

3.  Can I get a second opinion?

2.  How expensive is this gonna be?

1.  How low can you go?  I need a really LOW rate!


Cheers & Good Luck!

Michael Hathman

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Very Funny Sayings I Heard In Real Estate!



Laughing is good for the soul.  So, here it is - the funniest, damnedest things I've heard in real estate:

110. Oh s**t!

109. Can I get a second opinion?

108. What the h**l?

107. Get out of here!

106. I wouldn't hold your breath (too long).

105. So, what are we talking about?

104. I don't want to live where there are crack houses.

103. I don't like that neighborhood.

102. Are you for real?

101. Oh Crap!

100. Oh no!  Who let the dogs out?

99.  What did she say?

98.  What do you mean I can't afford a house that big?

97.  My credit is dawg s**t.

96.  Can I see houses on Christmas?

95.  We can go see the houses in neighborhoods with bars on the windows if you want...

94.  Someone forgot to put the key back into the lockbox!

93.  This key won't work.

92.  That guy's in jail.

91.  So, what does that mean?

90.  Don't have the slightest clue as to what you are talking about.

89.  I didn't think of that.

88.  Oh no!  The kids are crying.

87.  Can't you see I'm busy?

86.  I forgot the keypad code.

85.  Oh no!  I lost my Supra Key.

84.  I can't live there.

83.  What do you mean you need proof?

82.  Why is my credit any of your business?

81.  I need something to eat.

80.  I'm lost.

79.  I just drove past the house.  Opps!

78.  I hate stopping to ask for directions.

77.  Where's the bathroom?

76. How long is this going to take?

75. Oh Lord!

74. A 550 credit score is good, right?

73.  Can I get some clarification on this?

72.  I don't understand your contract offer.

71.  I am too busy to show my listing to you.

70. I don't wanna go!

69.  I just forgot what we were talking about.

68.  I'm sorry.  I wasn't listening.  I was zoning.

67.  They are a pain in the a**.

66.  Can't we all just get along?

65.  We're not getting along right now.

64.  Wow!  This house needs some work!

63. Oh no!  It smells in here.

62.  I promise I won't be angry.

61.  Can we just start over?

60.  How bad is bad?

59.  Are you crazy?

58.  Just be patient.

57.  Go argue with someone else.

56.  Don't you ever shut up?

55.  I just can't stop laughing.

54.  What?  This place is haunted?

53.  Someone died here?

52.  Be back soon.

51.  Leave a message and I'll call ya right back.

50.  What time is it?

49.  They want how much?

48.  Don't they ever mow the grass?

47.  Does someone who is depressed live here?

46.  Can't I get a little leeway here?

45.  Are you kidding me?

44.  You're joking, right?

43.  OK.  Just don't get mad at me.

42.  I'm not going in there.

41.  Where is the light switch?

40.  I don't know.

39.  I'm sorry.  I forgot your name.

38.  How much did they charge you?

37.  He's a crook!

36.  Don't laugh.

35.  I need to use the bathroom and these are winterized.

34.  I can't read his handwriting.

33.  We're just driving around in circles.

32.  O WOW!  Don't the neighbors ever clean up the backyard?

31.  I think I ate too much.

30.  That's just great!  Just great!

29.  I am frustrated.

28.  I am mad.

27.  I just need to go.

26.  How much longer do we have?

25.  I just have no more patience for this.

24.  Can't I ever get to where I need to go?

23.  Don't lie.

22.  I don't believe you.

21.  He's funny.

20.  Oh My God...

19.  Nope.

18.  Yep.

17.  Can't stand it!

16.  Don't worry.

15.  Be honest.

14.  Come on!

13.  Where did he go?

12.  I just can't believe it!

11.  Where's the beef?

10.  When's the last time they cleaned this grill?

9.  It smells like dawg in here.

8.  They need to knock it down and start over.

7.  It's caving in.

6.  Water damage here.  And a lot of it.

5.  It's a termite fest!

4.  When did this electricity become outdated?

3.  The AC looks like in dates back to 1810.

2.  Can we get some air freshener in here?

1.  Can we go down in price?  I wanna put a really cheap offer in!

Cheers & Good Luck!

Monday, June 9, 2014

Real Estate Trends: What Does the Next Few Decades Look Like?

People will still be talking about 2007 for many years to come.  They won't be forgetting and banking will still be wearing a scarlet letter "F" for Fraud for many years to come.

Republicans will do everything they can to repeal Dodd-Frank and will also try to revive more liberal lending - even if it means burning investors down the line.  Wall Street has no time for business ethics but does have time to make a profit - even if it isn't morally sound.

Real estate has spooked so many people in the past decade that many people thought it may never bounce back - even to be a "strong" market.

One of the most prolific and hopeful statements ever made in movie history was spoken by the chaos mathematician, Dr. Ian Malcolm who stated, "Life always finds a way."  That statement was not only one of cautious optimism, but for this story of Jurassic Park, it was one of foreboding.  Like life, the real estate industry seems to "always find a way" to survive and thrive - even after the darkest of times.

The Real Estate trends of the next decades may be rather exciting if things pan out the way much of the chatter is headed.

GLOBAL WARMING

Beach houses across the world may be abandoned to the sea if world sea levels continue to rise.  Many glaciers have disappeared and continue to do so.  As water lines rise, many people will be displaced and the need for housing will skyrocket.  Supply will surely outstrip demand.

ALTERNATIVE HOUSING

More and more people will be seeking housing in more affordable manners and methods.  These may include a skyrocketing demand for mobile homes.  Such homes can be "transported" to higher ground - especially if they are located by a beach.

TRADITIONAL LENDING

Lending standards will relax for many banks and this may include the lowering of FICO scoring in many instances.  But, because so many investors took a financial blood bath in 2007-08, the market to invest in mortgage backed securities will stay fairly diminished - never to make the rebound of the time preceding 2007.

ALTERNATIVE LENDING

Many homeowners will seek "alternative financing" through investor - related properties.  Investors will replace much of the mortgage lending institutions as the "new" lenders for affordable housing.

MULTI-PARTNERSHIP INVESTMENT GROUPS

These will be the new conglomerates as investors consider consolidating more real estate holdings into investment groups and companies who specialize in selling alternative and affordable housing alternatives to the traditional housing market.

MORE TRUST CENTERED TRANSACTION FUNDING

More people will start investing with investors who are already heavily invested in and who are engaged with affordable housing investment opportunities.  Rather than banks who are reselling investments on the secondary markets, these investors will be looking to "hold on" to their investments for long-term profitability and viability.  Many investors will be looking at investors who are already carefully underwriting their own investments and loans and who are interested in maintaining a solid course in maintaining those investments for long periods of time.

MORE TRAVEL RELATED INVESTING

As the economy jumps back to full recovery, more investors will be looking at the concurrent growth in travel-related real estate investments.  Time shares, hotels, motels, and other travel-related investment opportunities will continue to grow and prosper as the real estate industry comes to full recovery.

Contributor: Michael Hathman

Friday, June 6, 2014

Global Climate Change / Global Warming: Real Estate's Next Big Boom & Crisis


And you thought Noah's Flood was bad - well, this one might rival it.

Global warming and climate change may be posing the next great ecological threat to mankind and the civilized world.  Yes, those beach houses that now line the beach might still end up in the water.

Rising water worldwide would mean that most of the world's population will have to migrate to higher ground.  But, this isn't the half of it.

Rising waters would mean several trillions of dollars in lost wealth - wealth lost to rising seas.  With homes and businesses literally drowning in rising waves of water, this may lead to a housing crisis never before witnessed in human history.  In fact, a housing real estate boom may be on the way within just another few short decades and those who are holding the assets could stand to become very wealthy indeed. Unfortunately, such a boom will come at the loss of others who live by the water's edge.

Many cities that are not prepared for rising sea levels may see much of it's buildings and infrastructure fall claim to the sea.  As more and more people become displaced, housing demands will also increase and possibly at a furious pace.  Building may not be able to keep up with rising demand and pricing on affordable housing will skyrocket.

This means that anyone who has any link to real estate will stand to benefit from the market surge.  Indeed the winners will be the ones who are riding the wave of warmer climate.

Contributor:
Michael Hathman

Sources:

Climate News:
http://www.fastcoexist.com/1682519/the-climate-change-real-estate-boom-is-coming

The Atlantic:
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2007/04/global-warming-who-loses-and-who-wins/305698/