Tuesday, October 21, 2014

110 Funny Sayings I Heard In Lending Business

110.  A 550 credit score is pretty good, right?

109.  Can I embellish my income a little?

108.  Can we bump the appraisal?

107.  You can't add.

106.  You can't subtract.

105.  What do you mean I can't afford a house that big?

104.  Why do you need my social security number?

103.  I'm not giving you my social security number!

102.  Why is my credit any of YOUR business?

101.  Don't lie.

100.  Be honest.

99.  What?

98.  Why?

97.  I don't remember you telling me that.

96.  How long is this going to take?

95.  Are you serious?

94.  Oh no!  The baby is crying!

93.  Why is the interest rate so high?

91.  I just bought a new car!

90.  What does that mean?

89.  My credit is dawg s**t!

88.  You are too funny.

87.  Just go apply somewhere else.

86.  I'm still waiting...

85.  Damn!

84.  That Realtor is a pain in the a**!

83.  I'm fighing with the Realtor!

82.  Don't laugh...

81.  How many stips are there?

80.  This loan is taking FOREVER to close!

79.  Can't I just get a break?

78.  What do you mean shopping my credit hurts my scores?

77.  Not even in your best dreams...

76.  Don't Account Execs ever make appointments?

75.  We are working in the WRONG market!

74.  I no longer want to be the king of subprime loans.

73.  Yep.

72.  Nope.

71.  I can't afford that!

70.  This job reminds me of that Rolling Stones song, "You Can't Always Get What You Want"

69.  HUD raided his offices.

68.  The FBI raided his offices.

67.  The IRS raided his offices.

66.  Yep, he's in jail.

65.  Those were the good ol' days if you could fog a mirror you could get a loan...

64.  Loanorrific!

63.  O no!

61.  That loan blew up this morning...

60.  What do you mean I have an adjustable rate mortgage?

59.  Are you sure you know what you are doing?

58.  Why is he an a*****e?

57.  Crap!

56.  Where's my calculator?

55.  Why does your bank statement show negative balances?

56.  I don't care if a drug dealer gifts you a down payment.  Just get it!

55.  What is seasoning?

54.  Wow!  This DTI is 75%.  That can't be right, can it?

53.  I wouldn't hold your breath (too long)!

52.  Don't call my processor!

51.  Don't Realtors have ANY patience!

50.  Oh Good Lord, help me now!

49.  We could use some compensating factors for this loan.

48.  I wouldn't wipe my a** with that credit report!

47.  No, I won't apologize!

46.  I am sorry, but come back to me when you have better credit...

45.  I hate my job...

44.  Is it Friday yet?

43.  Golf season's starting!  Gotta love it!

42.  So, who do you think you are?

41.  I need a bigger house in a better neighborhood.

40.  I gotta get out of that house...

39.  Be patient...

38.  You are too damn funny.

37.  This loan doesn't make sense at all...

36.  And why do I care?

35.  You can't be serious...

34.  You better get off Fantasy Island!

33.  Ridiculous!

32.  I just threw it in the trash!

31.  Who cares!?!

30.  I need a vacation...

29.  What?  Do I need to show them the house myself?

28.  I can't deal with this anymore...

27.  That valuation won't work - he's out of his mind!

26.  Maybe...

25.  What a huckster!

24.  I'm in a good mood... so far...

23.  O PLEASE!

22.  I can't read his handwriting...

21.  Get serious!

20.  Get a life!

19.  Not to be mean...

18.  What are doing?

17.  Fabulous!  Just fabulous!

16.  Are we having fun yet?

15.  I picked up a few nuggets.

14.  This is a feast or famine business!

13.  This is crap!

12.  I'm not playing...

11.  Just need your John Hancock here...

10.  This guy is really upset...

9.  Hysterical!

8.  Why are you laughing?

7.  How do I know this isn't a scam?

6.  Oopps!

5.  Please don't say that...

4.  I've never seen that before!

3.  Can I get a second opinion?

2.  How expensive is this gonna be?

1.  How low can you go?  I need a really LOW rate!

Cheers & Good Luck!

Michael Hathman

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Very Funny Sayings I Heard In Real Estate!

Laughing is good for the soul.  So, here it is - the funniest, damnedest things I've heard in real estate:

110. Oh s**t!

109. Can I get a second opinion?

108. What the h**l?

107. Get out of here!

106. I wouldn't hold your breath (too long).

105. So, what are we talking about?

104. I don't want to live where there are crack houses.

103. I don't like that neighborhood.

102. Are you for real?

101. Oh Crap!

100. Oh no!  Who let the dogs out?

99.  What did she say?

98.  What do you mean I can't afford a house that big?

97.  My credit is dawg s**t.

96.  Can I see houses on Christmas?

95.  We can go see the houses in neighborhoods with bars on the windows if you want...

94.  Someone forgot to put the key back into the lockbox!

93.  This key won't work.

92.  That guy's in jail.

91.  So, what does that mean?

90.  Don't have the slightest clue as to what you are talking about.

89.  I didn't think of that.

88.  Oh no!  The kids are crying.

87.  Can't you see I'm busy?

86.  I forgot the keypad code.

85.  Oh no!  I lost my Supra Key.

84.  I can't live there.

83.  What do you mean you need proof?

82.  Why is my credit any of your business?

81.  I need something to eat.

80.  I'm lost.

79.  I just drove past the house.  Opps!

78.  I hate stopping to ask for directions.

77.  Where's the bathroom?

76. How long is this going to take?

75. Oh Lord!

74. A 550 credit score is good, right?

73.  Can I get some clarification on this?

72.  I don't understand your contract offer.

71.  I am too busy to show my listing to you.

70. I don't wanna go!

69.  I just forgot what we were talking about.

68.  I'm sorry.  I wasn't listening.  I was zoning.

67.  They are a pain in the a**.

66.  Can't we all just get along?

65.  We're not getting along right now.

64.  Wow!  This house needs some work!

63. Oh no!  It smells in here.

62.  I promise I won't be angry.

61.  Can we just start over?

60.  How bad is bad?

59.  Are you crazy?

58.  Just be patient.

57.  Go argue with someone else.

56.  Don't you ever shut up?

55.  I just can't stop laughing.

54.  What?  This place is haunted?

53.  Someone died here?

52.  Be back soon.

51.  Leave a message and I'll call ya right back.

50.  What time is it?

49.  They want how much?

48.  Don't they ever mow the grass?

47.  Does someone who is depressed live here?

46.  Can't I get a little leeway here?

45.  Are you kidding me?

44.  You're joking, right?

43.  OK.  Just don't get mad at me.

42.  I'm not going in there.

41.  Where is the light switch?

40.  I don't know.

39.  I'm sorry.  I forgot your name.

38.  How much did they charge you?

37.  He's a crook!

36.  Don't laugh.

35.  I need to use the bathroom and these are winterized.

34.  I can't read his handwriting.

33.  We're just driving around in circles.

32.  O WOW!  Don't the neighbors ever clean up the backyard?

31.  I think I ate too much.

30.  That's just great!  Just great!

29.  I am frustrated.

28.  I am mad.

27.  I just need to go.

26.  How much longer do we have?

25.  I just have no more patience for this.

24.  Can't I ever get to where I need to go?

23.  Don't lie.

22.  I don't believe you.

21.  He's funny.

20.  Oh My God...

19.  Nope.

18.  Yep.

17.  Can't stand it!

16.  Don't worry.

15.  Be honest.

14.  Come on!

13.  Where did he go?

12.  I just can't believe it!

11.  Where's the beef?

10.  When's the last time they cleaned this grill?

9.  It smells like dawg in here.

8.  They need to knock it down and start over.

7.  It's caving in.

6.  Water damage here.  And a lot of it.

5.  It's a termite fest!

4.  When did this electricity become outdated?

3.  The AC looks like in dates back to 1810.

2.  Can we get some air freshener in here?

1.  Can we go down in price?  I wanna put a really cheap offer in!

Cheers & Good Luck!